When you listen to the text ”
honest non-monogamy
,” what exactly do you image? Monogamish couples exactly who from time to time have a guest star when you look at the bedroom? Start, sprawling poly communities of people who lives alone and date casually? Three to four grownups and a number of young ones, all residing together? Any of these would in fact be affordable, since large large world of ethical non-monogamy encompasses
lots of union designs
and configurations. These connection styles occasionally only a few circumstances in accordance, nonetheless they’re key similarities: they truly are sincere, they include more than just two different people, and they’re typically misunderstood and conflated.

Inside my time as a non-monogamous person, i have dipped my personal bottom into a number of the ethically non-mono swimming pools. I’ve been monogamish, regarded as me my personal major partner (solo poly), and even tried out hierarchical poly — including an extremely regrettable but luckily short period of
unicorn searching
. While
each design has actually its own certain urban myths
that surround it
(that’s regrettable since absolutely countless
more interesting what to go over
), any clue of honest non-monogamy includes some elementary myths that are trying to find quashing. Listed below are four myths that ethically non-monogamous couples typically come across. But very first, investigate latest bout of Bustle’s Sex and affairs podcast, Needs It like that:

Myth number 1: We Are Cheating On Our Very Own Partners

The most obvious misconception surrounding fairly non-monogamous couples is that one or all of them is “dirty,” especially if some one sees someone besides the companion they generally see you with. But no matter if both lovers exist, mono people frequently equate honest non-monogamy with cheating, but the “ethical” component is vital here. Cheating is sexually unfaithful — sex with somebody other than one’s partner in
violation of a boundary or contract
. If the contract


sexual activity along with other partners, then it’s not dirty — period.

Myth #2: We’re All Swingers

The first thing that frequently pops into their heads when someone finds out a few they are aware isn’t really monogamous is actually: swingers. Even though some people choose that form of honest non-monogamy (statistics are hard to obtain, but I really don’t really know any swingers, in person), lots of folk in the neighborhood have some other structures that they favor, specifically because many tend to be more constrained in their
readiness having intercourse outside of psychological connection

Myth #3: We Are Doing It Because We Are Gay/Bi

According to many people, non-monogamy is the purview of the gays. Or at least, one or the two of us must certanly be bi and “need” “both” genders, appropriate? Not quite. A lot of direct people are into honest non-monogamy (and plenty of gay people tend to be into monogamy), as well as for people folks that happen to be queer? It isn’t typically

exactly why

we are fairly non-monogamous. In addition, as an area notice: there are more than two men and women.

Myth no. 4: We’re At A Greater Risk For Contracting An STI/STD

The reason here sort of follows
, I’ll confess that. But the stats simply don’t agree:
relating to one present learn
, people in monogamous relationship had been quite as prone to get an STI as morally non-mono folk. That also makes most feeling, really: if you should be hiding other enthusiasts despite getting basically monogamous, you’re less likely to use a condom regarding concern with a condom or wrapper becoming discovered by your spouse. If you ask me, mono people have a tendency to additionally discuss safe sex and intimate background less.
Ethically non-mono people
, however, have considerable discussions about intimate history, present sexual associates and security methods, and STI testing and status — resulting in men and women having the ability to make aware choices about what dangers they simply take, which keeps the risk of STI sign lower than you otherwise might expect.

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